色彩中的僵局

feel like a complete failure today, like the work I have done in the past few months is absolutely worthless. 
Perhaps even my work since high school has been useless--considering how no one has actually complimented any of it to this day.

Anyway, I don't need my whole life to be reaffirmed. But I need, at the very least, a simple reason to go on... on my own.

Life is simply not worth living if, after all the people in my life are taken away, I find nothing worthy of my time; that is, I need a reason that is in myself that makes life worthy.

Of course I'm not sure if I'm capable of independent research at this point--how can I be, if so far all I have learned is how to write assignments? I've merely been going through the motions of school work. When have I ever had the chance to do independent thinking outside the school's framework?

Anyway. I'm no longer sure what is worthy of my time and what is not.

I have forgotten, completely, why I have come here. Is it for friends? Well at that I sucked. Is it for knowledge? Well not sure about that either. Is it for continual existence?--and nothing else? Well, you tell me.

I'm not depressed nor have I lost the hope to live. I am simply lost. That's all.

...not exactly, but whatever.

do you really have to take it seriously to write about it? that is the question. 

hope he takes me. if not, I'll probably end up writing on sartre or some existentialist philosopher.