色彩中的僵局

今天知道了同學C生活的另一個面向，稍稍震驚。
倒不是對於真相感到震驚，而是對自己的無知與自以為感到震驚。

然後同時，不可否認地，有一種失落感。
不是說自己對C有什麼私心或情感（拜託！），而是對於人與人之間相處的那種虛偽？或者說膚淺感到訝異。

同實感受到自己的渺小。

--

So I ended up having a nice day, I suppose. Nice, not fantastic, but simply good enough. Nothing much to complain about.
Who cares, anyway? It's not like you guys really were friends to start with.
But still, can't help but to feel that I've been distanced, somehow. It's not an issue of 'deliberate isolation' or unfriendliness of any sort.
It's a kind of isolation that is just there, 'cause I simply was never part of this narrative.
I was never part of any narrative.

--

I suppose I also hate how shallow people's interactions are.

And amazed at how deep their feelings can be.
I think in the end, it's because I simply cannot feel that much.

I suppose I'm jealous. Of the ability, of the experience, of the depth.